Stomach aching, body shaking.

Can’t you see the tears I’m faking?

Cloudy eyes and clenched throat,

I must be faking this hurt.

Dizzy heart, out-of-body feeling,

Why, I’m such a liar, aren’t I?

Darkened thoughts and empty soul,

I’m such a liar,

No one can hurt and not feel this much at the same time.

So this rope

Around my neck

And sleeping pills falling out of my limp grasp,

They must be phantoms.

After all, I’m a liar.

It couldn’t be that this is too much,

That your lack of trust has gotten to me.

Since you never believed

That I was hurting like this,

(You never trusted my words.)

All I have left is to show you

How much I hurt.


There goes my neck!

The chair that I kicked

Lies sideways on the floor.

Don’t worry, it was quick.

Just a little snap of my neck.

You stare on in horror

At the dripping letters,

Your voice shakes as you read it.

“I confess, you all were right.

I never was hurting,

I was in agony.

You never believed that I was in pain.

Why would you take time out of your day

To help me?”

You stop as they dial 911, but force yourself to go on.

“It’s not like I needed a friend.

Bottling it in is the best ever!

Especially when you’re hanging on to life

By a tether.

But that tether is cut.”

Now do you believe me?

Copyright © 2015 by Nita Pan

All rights reserved.  This post or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

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