What I Feel

I’ve screamed.

I can’t stop crying.

I’ve gotten past the numbness,

and all that I am now is a

chest-ripping mixture of

sorrow, love, and regret.

I cannot see myself moving on.

Even though you must

loathe me, you were my home.

I was the one who

made the mistake of acting

like a monster,

and I will never stop apologizing for it.

The thing is,

I haven’t given up on an “us.”

I feel more for you than

I have for anyone else,

and I don’t want to feel these

feelings for anyone else.

Not now, not ever.

Copyright © 2019 by Nita Pan

All rights reserved. This post or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review

Listening to: “Hard Feelings/Loveless” by Lorde

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